An excerpt from the book ‘Peasants’ by Joanna Kuciel – Frydryszak: ‘Sometimes the sense of loyalty to siblings turns out to be so strong that it wins over your own needs’.
‘Peasants’ is the story of our grandmothers from 100 years ago. We still pull this cart, but in a different reality.
Not worth it. This does not serve us, because we act for an unspecified good, losing the chance to live according to our own needs and healthy relationships with siblings.
Each of us has our own fate. “Family loyalty is love, it can be blind,” said Bert Hellinger. Loyalty for me is synonymous with dedication. On the one hand, it is a usurpation of someone else’s fate (I will do you good), and on the other, it is a disregard for my own (I give up myself for you).
Even when we do it at the expense of our own family. This one take precedence over our siblings.
Examples: sister’s needs before our child’s needs, a phone call from a brother more important than a conversation with one’s own child, forcing to contact each other, forcing partners to behave in order to satisfy siblings, command ‘kiss auntie’, giving up one’s own plans because a sister is coming, helping when they don’t ask, not saying what hurts because they will be sorry.
‘Brother, Sister, no’ – Bert Hellinger
Difficult but it is a sign of love for yourself and them.
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