Children get sick due to:
– experienced own biological conflicts
– conflicts experienced by the parents (the child in its love, in order to relieve the parents, ‘takes on’ their emotions and this process takes place outside the child’s consciousness)
– parents’ emotions to the events taking place during the conception of the child, pregnancy and childbirth
– in the case of congenital diseases, they may be a consequence of trauma in the family.
Today’s post is about the child’s own biological conflicts 😊
Back to school is a big event for your child. In the biological sense, a child is exposed to dozens of challenges a day regarding: his own territory, aggression attacks, the need to protect / defend, take care of his own, get something, express his needs aloud, the need to belong to a group, the need for acceptance.
I will give examples: a new classmate who ‘steals’ an existing friend; a new arrangement of desks in the classroom with a new division of who sits where; failing to become class president; ‘seniors’ pushing in the corridor; screams, cries of other children; scary teacher; the process of changing clothes to PE classes; failing to learn; competition for leadership in the group; rivalry regarding possessions (branded clothes, telephones), ridicule, parents’ expectations as to the child’s performance, other children taking their belongings from children, teachers’ expectations towards gifted/hard-working children; a feeling of being locked in the rooms as if in a cage (especially after the holidays); feeling bored at boring classes; a feeling of having your wings clipped; cooler days (warmth=freedom); boredom resulting from the perspective of 10 months of study is like a sentence for children, especially when classes are boring.
This is serious stuff for kids. Imagine having this at work every day.
And how serious the disease symptoms are, which in most cases are only a symptom of the repair phase after the active phase of the conflict, i.e. the conflict is closed, the child has closed the process of experiencing emotions. However, if the child is ill for a whole year, it means that the conflict is recurring and the child is not able to deal with the matter ‘once and for all’.
For a biological conflict to occur, one of the conditions of the active phase is an emotion of loneliness. This means that the child feels that there is no one to support him, that he has to cope on his own. It’s ok, it’s worse when the case drags on, it’s violent, the child gets limp, he doesn’t see a solution. The conspiracy of silence does not help, especially in the older classes, i.e. there is a conflict situation, but adults are not allowed to talk about it.
What can I do as a parent?
I will write what I practice.
– I watch if the child “doesn’t carry for me”, or if it just doesn’t experience my own emotions, I talk to my husband, share with him what I see and experience
– I talk to the children in the evenings, one-on-one. Sometimes deeply. They don’t always share what’s bothering them or tell half-truths. It’s hard because we want to protect them
– makes a great trip together in the car, especially when teenagers open up
– share a meal if possible
– I like to meet their friends and colleagues
– I am in contact with other parents
– I am in contact with the school (especially the tutor teacher)