Strong title, I know, but that’s how some of us feel. Below is a post for those who think about death with a sense of relief, for those who feel that they are close to it.
Sometimes it happens that unconsciously, on subtle levels, sometimes even from the mother’s womb, we get involved in trying to save those who were or are before us. A child (also an adult, because in relation to one’s ancestors one is a child all one’s life) can only love one’s ancestors. Apart from love, has nothing more to offer, so in certain situations when love does not work, he offers his life just to alleviate the suffering of those he loves.
Then, thoughts of resignation may appear in the mind, death appears as a solution to our suffering. This manifests itself, for example, in our actions to the detriment of ourselves, e.g. abuse of stimulants, or behaviors where we put our lives at risk. Paradoxically, such people often indicate that it is then that they feel alive. Or the famous ‘something has to die for’.
In family constellations we use the words ‘a move towards death’, for someone.
This child’s fantasy has no chance of coming true. The systemic laws are clear, a child is there to take life, not to give it up for someone else.
The ‘movement towards death’ is accompanied by sadness. Sometimes it will be covered by another emotion, e.g. anger or fear. And in fact, there is a feeling of actual or illusory loss in the heart. And here I am referring to the situation when, for example, a child is “heading towards death” for its mother, who herself is “heading towards death” for someone else. So the child sees his/her mother in pain and decides to save her, trying to take the burden of pain off her shoulders. This means that the child has not yet experienced the loss of its mother, although this statement also has a question mark, because the mother in the ‘move towards death’ is not present in the child’s life, so the child has the right to feel the loss, even though the mother is physically with him.
What does it support?
Firstly, realizing that one is in a ‘movement towards death’. Secondly, recognition and acceptance that ‘this is what I am’. So it’s not about a ‘fight for life’, but an honest look at yourself with the acceptance ‘that’s how it is’. This step may be difficult because for some it may involve accepting the realization of thoughts of resignation. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is about accepting our confusion, seeing the child’s illusion that we supposedly have influence on our parent, ancestor, that we can save him/her. Thirdly, it is worth asking someone for help, talking to someone, saying out loud that we think of death as a way out. Then the gates to life appear.
I invite you to an inner work 😊
Systemic constellation consultation or a psychobiology consultation https://magdalenamagrian.com/en/contact/
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